As a freshman RA, I’m really excited about how soon my residents are coming. I was worried a little bit before, but I have 6 residents living on my hall 2 weeks early because they came for football. Meeting them blew any of my fears out of the water, and I had to stop typing this to talk to a couple guys because they just wanted to say hi. I’m pumped about this year! I saw 11 residents in the entire dorm when I did rounds (walking around to make sure everything is in order on all 10 halls) and 8 of them were on my hall, 6 of them living on my hall and 2 visitors. I have practically all the residents, which is perfect and just what I needed. I really believe God is helping me out right now, and I’m normally pretty hesitant to admit that. I’m really excited for this year!

Sorry about that. I was out of commission for a little bit and never really responded to that message. But I do believe that quote was originally used in the context of people proving a point. For example, one saying “The Bible says this and the Bible is infallible.” When they’re attempting to make a point, so they use the Bible, and instantly that idea becomes infallible to them. 

Basically, there are ideas that people accept as Biblical, but they’re only Biblical if the Bible is being read and interpreted correctly, you know? Basically saying that, although the Bible may be infallible, that doesn’t mean that human nature isn’t sinful, and quick to corrupt the truth that is in the Bible. I’ve grown up with ideas that I believed were Biblical fact and undeniable truth, and since then I’ve learned that they are actually debated about in the Christian community. 

I think it’s a quote directed at people using “Biblical infallibility” to make a point, and not actually assaulting the infallibility of the Bible. Because I do believe that, interpreted 100% correctly, the Bible is infallible. I just don’t believe anyone ever has interpreted it correctly.

I found some great quotes from one of my classes. I think I’ll by sporadically putting them out there in the near future. That class was easily my favorite class of all time.

So I blogged this in January, before I left for South Africa.

“Nevertheless, among churchmen, beyond their rites and ceremonies, luxury is a crime. It seems to disclose habits which are not truly charitable. A wealthy priest is a contradiction. He ought to keep himself near the poor. But, who can be in contact continually, by night as well as day, with all distresses, all misfortunes, all privations, without taking upon himself a little of that holy poverty, like the dust of a journey? Can you imagine a man near a fire who does not feel warm? Can you imagine a labourer working constantly at a furnace, who has not a hair burned, nor a nail blackened, nor a drop of sweat, nor a speck of ashes on his face? The first proof of charity in a priest, and especially a bishop, is poverty. “

- Victor Hugo (Les Miserables)

Who can be in contact continually with all distresses, without taking a little of that holy poverty? I was reading this tonight when I felt pretty damn convicted. If the proof of charity is poverty, and a man can’t be near a fire without being warm, then what the hell am I doing here at Azusa? What am I doing living in a suburban home in Phoenix with my own car, and never needing anything?
I’m not feeling the urge to go out and sell all my things. I wish I was feeling that sort of motivation right now, but I’m not. I just don’t understand how I can presume to care about these people who have nothing, while I live immersed in comfort.
I look forward to South Africa because I can get out. All my possessions will be 45 lbs. plus a personal item that will be books and a laptop. I only have 8 shirts. Hopefully I will be so affected by this experience I will be released from some of these materialistic desires I find myself so tightly bound to. And maybe, if I’m lucky, some of these things I learn will actually stick with me for more than a couple of weeks after I get back.

Last summer, when I spent a week in a cheap imitation of homelessness on the streets of San Diego, I felt the effects for a month after. I was warmed by the fires of poverty, with my hairs burnt, my nails blackened, sweating and ash-covered. And my hibernation in North Phoenix helped me “recover” from this affliction. The affliction of wanting to help people who need help. But this time, I need to be aware. I want to return and feel moved enough to be inconvenienced by these people.

Here I am again. This is the place I’m at again. I’ve been back for just over 3 weeks, and how could I describe how I’m feeling? Well, “If the proof of charity is poverty, and a man can’t be near a fire without being warm, then what the hell am I doing here [in Phoenix]…I just don’t understand how I can presume to care about these people who have nothing, while I live immersed in comfort…I want to return and feel moved enough to be inconvenienced by these people.”

It’s just weird that this is coming after I’ve returned. Not before I leave, but after I get back. I talked to those kids 2 months ago. To the hour. And now, I’m desiring to remember what it felt like. Is this just me? Is it a personal thing, or is it human nature to drop supposedly important things from the mind if they’re possibly convicting. Is there a genetic defense mechanism in people to prevent the structure of our lives to change, despite major events or difficulties we encounter? What is comfort?

And why are we so driven to find this comfort, and so defensive of this comfort? 

Why do I refuse to change?

Today, at Jimmy John’s, they were very nice to me. There was a girl at the counter who was really sweet when she took my order. Then the guy who handed me my sandwich gave me an “aw, shucks” look when I said thanks for the sandwich. Compared with the dirty looks i was getting in Jamba Juice last week, it was like something had changed drastically.

Something had. I mean, I had a mop-top with a mustache, and the combo wasn’t the most attractive thing ever. I just cut off quite a bit of hair on Friday, so now I’m clean-shaven and essentially bald. I’ll throw up pictures. They’re pretty great. 

So something had changed. Not the point. And I have no problem with Jimmy John’s. The thing is, people there treated me well. I just have a problem with the drastic change from Thursday, where the people who worked there were in shock that I had a stache, and the other customers were just hating me with their eyes. What brings people to do that? The same damn person, but reactions that are so drastically different I might as well have been someone else. It’s irritating, you know? With someone who has a fragile psyche like me, how am I supposed to put up with something like that? (That’s a joke. I was simply intrigued). But really, did these people really think I was a pedophile just because I had a nasty, nasty stache? Or that I’m a great person because now I look like I joined the marines and shaved my head in the process? I don’t know, people are confusing. 

And I don’t have anything legitimate to bring against people right now. It makes sense, people are reliant on judgement. But why do we do that? Why do I do that? Really though, if you have a mustache and don’t want to be judged, I suggest you shave it. Mustaches are not looked upon kindly by people outside of the internet.